Why is it that I always tend to look like the bad guy when I express myself? Is it a curse I have? Man, when I really fully release my emotions, to tell one what I really feel and think, in the nicest way possible, with good intentions, it somehow turns out to be the worst thing in the world that possibly could be said or done. I have an extremely hard time expressing myself or trying to figure out what the hell is going on with me, but when I do, BOOM. It's a disaster. Why? I'm tired of lying to myself, lying to make others happy, that's what I always have done. Tired of not expressing myself because in the end I know it will probably end in a bad way, or just not knowing what to expect freaks me out. I'm tired of feeling the fear. Anyone else felt this way? Or is it just me? I've been guilty to put others needs before my own, doing things for people to make them happy, to avoid conflict I suppose, sacrifcing my own happiness. And putting up with it, knowing everything is fucked up, but not wanting to realize it, and pretending. And I don't know why. I'm a nice, sweet, lovable person, but no one ever sees that! Everyone ALWAYS assumes I'm this stuck-up, conceited, bitch, which is so not even the case. Bitch yes, I can be, but seriosuly, what person isn't? Male or Female, ANYONE can be a bitch. I do have a bit of an attitude adjustment that needs to be worked on, but hey, it's what defines me, and makes me who I am. I think too much into shit. I think alot, my mind's always busy, thinking about the craziest shit ever. So, what's going on here?  

SO...IT'S HERE! WELL, OFFICIALLY TOMORROW WILL BE THE ACTUAL DAY, BUT I ALREADY KNOW I WON'T BE ABLE TO POST ANYTHING TOMORROW SINCE I WON'T HAVE TIME AND I'M JUST SO EXCITED TO LET IT OUT...BUT ANYWHO, BACK TO MY POINT...IT'S HERE!!

YAY!

I'M EXCITED.

I QUIT SMOKING! IT'S BEEN A MONTH! COLD TURKEY! HOW SWEET IS THAT??? AND NOT TO MENTION THE DRINKING TOO. I HAVEN'T DRANK SINCE THEN. NEW YEAR'S EVE WAS MY LAST CELEBRATION OF BUD LIGHTS, GREY GOOSES AND RED BULLS, AND MARLBORO SMOOTHS. AHH, I CAN TASTE THE SMOOTH...THOSE WERE AWESOME CIGS. I GOT HOOKED ON THEM, ALL I SMOKED. BUT NOT ANYMORE!

AND IT'S WEIRD. I DON'T HAVE A CRAVING FOR THEM, AND I DON'T EVEN HAVE AN URGE TO DRINK LIKE I USED TO. EVERYTIME I FELT LIKE DRINKING I WOULD DRINK, SAME WITH SMOKING WHEN I'D TRY TO QUIT, BUT NOT THIS TIME! NO MORE SMELLY HANDS AND HAIR AND CLOTHES, AND YELLOW NAILS AND TEETH, AND WRINKLES. YAY! I NOTICED AN ATTITUDE CHANGE TOO. I WAS ALL BITCHY AND CRANKY ALL THE TIME, ALWAYS WITH A CIG TO CALM MY NERVES. NOT ANYMORE! I FEEL SO MUCH MORE RELAXED AND I CAN ACTUALLY BREATHE BETTER!

I'M PROUD OF MYSELF!

:D

Man, It's been like 3 or 2 months since the last time I checked this thing...

It's not like I get messages all the time anyway..

Very very rarely, only when I see someone sends me a message...

So yeah, Deftones fans! WOO! They rock!

My latest experience, was like 2 or 3 weeks ago at Warehouse Live!

Coheed and Cambria!!!                                                                                                         Wooooo! That concert was awesome! And I made damn sure I didn't lose those tickets!!         Man, that band, blows my mind! I'm the hugest Coheed and Cambria fan....It's mainly all I listen too along with Incubus, and Hoobastank, and Breaking Benjamin. And but of course, the Deftones :D

I hate the way this blog thingy skips a line everytime you push enter. Why can't it just go right under the line before it!?! I hate having to type all the way to the end for it to continue right below the line since i'm weird like that! I like pushing enter! And I hate editing it by going back and pushing delete and then the backspace.

It's complicating.

Anywho, I'm off to study MATH!

FUN FUN FUN! :D