So May is a horrible month for me apparently everyone I knows parents were getting it on ALOT around the same time years ago because just about everyone I know was born in May! Course I can't say much because I added to the one thing the world certianly needed least another bullheaded Taurus. Not that I dont love my daughter because I do more than anything but damn she is hard headed!

So since like 10 people I know are having their Bday this month instead of ten parties we tend to throw it all into one big party. So it was this past weekend at one of my friends house. I stopped by to hang out for a bit and wish everyone happy Bday and to my suprise I found this going on!

 I love my friends they are nuts ... By the way the artist name ... KornNut ... swear to God, go figure! Where was he last weekend when I paid for my tattoo!

So this weekend was a little rough for me. I had it all planned out I was going to kick some ten yr old but in laser tag, hang out by the pool. It was going to be a relaxing weekend after a very long week. I had to work late most of last week and was exhausted. I get up Friday morning because my ex calls me at 6:30 am to tell me my day is going to be really bad - not the exact words he used but same general idea. This man is freaking nuts. He cheats on me for a year and I finally leave because I have just had all I can take and as if he hasn't made my life miserable enough he calls me at 6:30 am to tell me that he has stolen the car from me. Yes people he called my oldest son and asked him to leave the door unlocked when he left for school that he was robbed and needed to come and talk to me and so my son did. I mean what kid thinks his father would use him in a plot to steal the car from his mother?  

Now we have been separated for a while and it has been pretty rough. He has been threatening me to do this for a while. You see the ****le is in his name not that that means S@!* because our lovely state is a community property state. Anyway in the spirit of "it's better to be safe than sorry" I went out and bought "the club" steering wheel lock. I guess my ex knew this and this is felt the need to involve our son. So needless to say my son had no idea his father would stoop to this level and left the door unlocked. My ex came in used my keys to unlock the lock and left with the car. So there I am on the phone standing in my driveway with no way to work no way to take my daughter to school.

As you can imagine I am a little pissed. I call my good friend who happens to have a spare car, it is a wow I don't even know what year it is it has airbags so I guess it's not from the 80's? Ford Aspire ... or as we like to call it the Assfire. This car she has had since she was like 18 or something it has been totaled twice and survived a flood. Anyway I get the car and go to work. By the time I get to work EVERYONE I know now knows that he has stolen the car and of course they are a little pissed too!

Now I know this is sounding a little Jerry Springer and believe me I am not proud of any of it. In fact I probably shouldn't be airing my business like this at all but this isn't about him stealing the car it's really about what happened after he did. You see I was really mad and I let him know it for sure. It's just funny how things work out. You know how everyone says "God has a plan" and "everything happens for a reason" and when you are in a bad situation such as this you are thinking to yourself STFU what kinda sh***y a** plan is this? Right I mean what "reason" does God have for leaving me stuck out like this?

Well I have come to the conclusion first off that God he has a sense of humor, a sick one but he does have one and so should we. I had been complaining about the car he stole it is Chevy Trailblazer and it has been eating my alive in gas. I had been saying how badly I needed to get rid of it and get something more economical. Now I am pretty sure I asked for a Honda Civic with monster truck tires (If you have to drive on 610 you feel me on this) but I did say getting rid of the car would be best. Well I guess God heard me ... Kinda like in Forrest Gump when he says God showed up...

So I went to the Bday party in the Assfire and I totally kicked all 10 yr old butt and had a blast. My kids by the way are the most kick a** kids in the world told me all weekend how much cooler the Assfire is than the Trailblazer and we laughed so loud and so hard when I told them no it wasn't but with a little work and maybe some plastic spinners from Wal-Mar**** could be! As mad as I was I was even more relieved that he couldn't do anything else to me and if loosing the car was what I had to do in order to have some peace and finally be done with this man ... it was worth it.

SO feeling inspired and fueled by a few beers Saturday night my friend Angela and I set out on a mission to have fun. We ended up in a tattoo shop and found the perfect tattoo. We got matching tattoos a ****anese symbol that means "change". To spite all the Jerry Springer chaos in my life right now things have never felt so right. I am so happy and so are my kids and we are going to be fine the storm is over and we made it. Of course we are in a **** boat and I am pretty sure God needs a hearing aide but damnit we made it and that's good enough!

Now not that I am a psycho or anything like that, because I am not. More like a dog that you threw a rock at type thing. Sunday I was over at a friends who happened to mention that my ex was down the street with the Trailblazer ... feeling my renewed sense of confidence and wanting to give my son a chance to get a little revenge! (By the way I am talking about my oldest son he is 15, don't want you thinking I sent my 10yr old out to do this) I gave him my key and had him run down there to steal the car back. I guess my ex knows better because he had bought his own steering wheel lock and pu**** on there! Disappointed but not defeated my son came back to tell me about the lock and we ALL laughed and I called the ex to let him know the lock was good looking out to keep it locked up tight or hidden because just as he stole it from me given the opportunity I will steal it back ... then sell it CHEAP!

Change is good .........................................

Just thought I would show off my pimp a$* ride, Thats right ladies and gentlemen the one and only Assfire. Contain yourselves I know its a hot little car ...