Ok, yesterday... I did the show from the Toyota Center.... and (forgive me if this sounds sexist ladies) I witnessed something that made me decide to hand out an award...
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!
Allow me to introduce you to.......
THE BEST REAR END IN TEXAS!!
Yes... I had to snap a picture of this. I just couldn't help it. I figured I would share....
(click the pic to see full size)

I look across the plaza area... and I notice something that grabs my attention...

Upon closer inspection... this is quite possible the best rear end in the city... I know... I know... I haven't seen them all.... but I've got to be honest... after seeing this one... I am not sure I want to... hahahahahahahaha! If you happen to own this rear end.... from the bottom of my heart.... Thank You for wearing these shorts.... hahhhahaah

INVENTION FROM SOMEONE LAZIER THAN ME!
You can use your cell phone to program a new robotic lawn mower to cut your grass while you sit back and sip a cool one. At your preset command, the LawnBott LB3500 will zip out of its battery charging station and keep your lawn groomed and spiffy looking while you don't even break a sweat. All you need is a Bluetoothequipped cell phone to tell the mover how many times a week and for how long each time to do its thing. It can handle an acre on a single charge and a trip wire tacked around the perimeter of your yard prevents the device from straying onto your neighbor's property. The only drawback is the cost when the LawnBott goes on sale in a few months, it will set you back $3,249. (Sun)

and by the way....

TOP FIVE SIGNS IT'S WAY PAST TIME TO MOW YOUR LAWN

1. One of the cast members of "Lost" just walked out of your yard
2. You could use your lawn to make full-length grass skirts
3. Your lawn mower refuses to go near it
4. "Man versus Wild" wants to film an episode there
5. Neighbors are complaining that your lawn is blocking their view

SNOOZE FER U, WEDNESDAY EDITION

It's a Bird, It's a Plane, It's a Cherry Picker Guy!
In Bakersfield, California, 50-year-old Curtis Bartell got the ride of his life! The cable repairman was hoisted 25-feet in the air fixing overhead lines in a cherry picker when a thief stole his truck! The suspect drove off with Curtis still high in the sky, tearing down several phone lines before crashing into a utility pole. Fortunately Curtis wasn't hurt. The 29-year-old suspect was arrested for hit-and-run, automobile theft and false imprisonment. (The Bakersfield Californian)

Young Iranians Just Say No To Muslim Beliefs
While Iran's leaders continue to quote and preach the Quran, the country's multitudes of young adults are leaving Islam behind in favor of the best selling New Age self-help books and seminars of motivational guru Alireza Azmandian. While young adults in Turkey and Egypt have stepped up their traditional Muslim devotion, that is not so in Iran. One 25-year-old aerospace engineer said, "Religion doesn't offer me answers anymore, but Azmandian's seminar changed my life." Incidentally, the Oprah Winfrey-touted book "The Secret" is in its 10th printing in Farsi, the native language of Iran, and is a big seller their as well. (Wall Street Journal)

Better Just Stick To Standing Behind the Pulpit
In Kokomo, Indiana, Pastor Jeff Harlow of the Crossroads Community Church tried to get real and brought out a dirt bike during his church service to demonstrate the concept of unity. Now he's demonstrating the concept of healing. He broke his wrist when he lost control of the motorcycle at the start of Sunday's second service when he drove off a 5-foot platform and into the vacant first row of seats. His wife Becky said her husband had recently attended a motorcycle race and explained, "He had this idea that he would bring this bike out onstage and show people how the rider would become one with the bike." Fortunately no one else was hurt. But we're betting it's a long time before anyone sits on the front row at Pastor Jeff's services. (Kokomo Tribune)

Power Struggle
Talk about a power struggle. In Plainville, Connecticut, police have arrested a 33-year-old woman after she tried to retaliate against her former boss by having the electricity to his home cut off! The suspect was fired on June 25 from her job at a Glastonbury insurance-sales agency. She allegedly used a co-worker's computer password the next day to make a request that Northeast Utilities shut off the power to her boss's Plainville home. When the utility company called the woman's boss to verify the request, they discovered the call was a fake. The woman was charged with breach of peace and using a computer to commit a crime. (The Bristol Press)

Extreme Pest Control
In Eatontown, New Jersey, Isias Vidal Maceda was just trying to exterminate a few insects in his apartment. He blew it up instead. No one was hurt but 80 percent of his apartment was destroyed. He was spraying for pests in his kitchen when somehow the bug spray ignited a blast that blew out the apartment's front windows and triggered a fire that quickly spread. (Reuters)

 Screw You and Your Safe
In West Des Moines, Iowa, 41-year-old Randall Popkes and his son, 22-year-old Joshua Williams get the award for world's worst safe crackers. The two were arrested and charged with an attempted safe cracking at the Des Moines Golf and Country Club. A security officer had noted their license plate as they sped away after a frustrating session in which they had cut into the safe but could not open it. In fact, they had left behind a note for management which read "(blank) you and your safe."(Des Moines Register)

Fortunately, Nobody's Laughing
In Belfast, Northern Ireland, an accident at the Albion Chemicals plant resulted in the release of a huge chemical cloud. Fortunately the cloud was almost entirely made up of nitrous oxide, otherwise known as "laughing gas." Authorities reported no unusual "giggling" in the area. (Fort Worth Star-Telegram)

Today's New World Record
In today's new world record news, two Chinese high wire walkers have set a new one after crossing on a single wire more than 850-feet above the ground with no net. A man who goes by the name Adili -- the vice-chairman of the China Acrobatic Artists Association-- and his 19-year-old apprentice, Ya Gebu, started at opposite ends and had to climb over each other in the middle of the wire to finish the journey. The wire stretched more than 1.1 kilometers over a valley in Muhe Big Valley, a scenic spot in Gansu province. (Ananova)

Britain's Most Valuable Bum
In Lancashire, England, Graham Butterfield is the official bed tester for the Silentnight mattress company and has had his sensitive bottom insured for $2 million bucks! Graham says, "It may sound silly but my bottom is not like the normal bottom. I have increased sensitivity around the buttock area and can feel the difference in the materials used in beds. I am very proud to be the owner of a $2 million dollar backside. His duties at Silentnight include bouncing on beds and giving feedback on softness, textures and fillings. Steven Simpson, manager at Silentnight, said, "The policy is worth every penny." (Ananova)

 

IS HE THE RIGHT GUY FOR YOU?

• He is interested -- He contacts you, makes plans with you and follows through.
• He is accomplished -- in at least on area of his life.
• He's a stand-up guy -- he says what he means and means what he says. You don't have to worry about him lying.
• He's into you -- he should do just as much for you as you do for him. If you're the only one giving and all he gives you is an occasional text message or phone call, or booty call, you are not getting what you need.
• He's consistent -- when he's with you, he's just like he is with his friends. He doesn't turn into someone else, a drunk or a gambler or a ladies man. And he's okay to take around your friends.
• He's understanding -- he loves you even when you had a bad day.
• He is not judgmental -- he will never see you as fundamentally bad or make you feel bad about yourself.
• He's trusting -- he gives you some space and privacy and doesn't keep you on a leash.
• He is willing to talk -- when there's something about the relationship that is troubling you, he's willing to talk about it.
• He's proactive -- if he has issues or challenges, he'll seek help.
• He is not controlling -- he lets you in on the decision making process. Even if he has more money than you, he never makes you feel like you'd be screwed without him.

YOUR CAR COLOR REVEALS YOUR PERSONALITY

British researchers have determined that the color of your car tells others something about your personality. Granted, this isn't true for every driver on the road, but if you chose the color of your car, check this out to see if it matches your personality.

• Black: Aggressive personality or someone who is an outsider or rebel. Of all car colors, this is the most likely to be involved in an accident.
• Silver: Cool, calm and slightly aloof.
• Green: Hysterical tendencies.
• Yellow: Idealistic and novelty loving.
• Blue: Introspective, reflective and cautious.
• Gray: Calm, sober and dedicated to work.
• Red: Full of zest, energy and drive; thinks, moves and talks quickly.
• Pink: Gentle, loving and affectionate.
• White: Status-seeking extroverts.
• Cream: Self-contained and controlled. This color car is least likely to be involved in an accident. 

  YOUR SIGN REVEALS HOW YOU SHOP

  A nationwide study of 30,000 people revealed their purchasing patterns are strongly linked to their astrological signs.

  • Aries - You're an impulse buyer. You complain a lot and hate to wait in line.
  • Taurus - You won't be rushed into making decisions. You are very patient in lines.
  • Gemini - You are attracted to gimmicks and gadgets.
  • Cancer - You enjoy buying gifts for other people, and furnishing for your home.
  • Leo - You tend to buy high fashion and brand names.
  • Virgo - You buy lots of health food and related products.
  • Libra -Y ou switch brands at the drop of a hat, but stick to high quality goods.
  • Scorpio - You are loyal to trusted products and dislike flashy new items.
  • Sagittarius - You fall for sales gimmicks and love to buy on impulse.
  • Capricorn - You vary between upmarket brand names and do-it yourself projects.
  • Aquarius - You buy offbeat buy modern things. You adore browsing in junk stores.
  • Pisces - You are a salesman's dream come true because you never complain.

  TOP 10 WORST JOBS EVER

  No matter how bad or boring your job might be, it's better than this! Here are the 10 worst jobs in science:

  1. Hazmat diver -- "They swim in sewage. Enough said," quips Popular Science of hazmat divers. And we mean sewage. One diver really had it bad. When a truck driver crashed, his truck tumbled into a lagoon at a factory pig farm. He drowned. So a hazmat diver had to go in and pull the body out of a waste lagoon filled with urine, liquid pig feces and needles.
  2. Oceanographer -- With overfishing threatening to end wild seafood harvests by 2049 and Earth's coral reefs forecasted to be nothing but rubble within decades, this is one gloomy job.
  3. Elephant vasectomist -- The elephant is the largest animal on land, so sterilizing this giant creature is a giant job. An elephant's testicle is one foot across and sits behind two inches of skin, four inches of fat and 10 inches of muscle.
  4. Garbologist -- This is an archaeologist who picks through ancient garbage. As Popular Science quips, "Think 'Indiana Jones' -- in a Dumpster."
  5. Coursework carcass preparer -- They kill, pickle and bottle the critters that school kids dissect in science class. That means they get to smell formaldehyde all day long. Mmmm.
  6. Microsoft security grunt -- Popular Science says this job is just like wearing a big sign that reads "Hack Me." The people manning secure@microsoft.com receive approximately 100,000 e-mails annually, and each one could be a message that something at Microsoft has gone horribly wrong.
  7. Gravity research subject -- It may look like fun to do somersaults in zero gravity, but astronauts also must endure a puffy face, atrophied muscles and bone degeneration. Gravity research volunteers approximate the effects of weightlessness by lying still for weeks on end.
  8. Olympic drug tester -- This job kicks into high gear every two years in an attempt to combat the inevitable doping among Olympic athletes trying to cheat their way to a medal. Testers get to watch the athletes pee in a cup, and if they catch a doper, an entire country is mad at them.
  9. Forensic entomologist -- The job title may sound glamorous, but it's not. They solve murders by studying maggots in corpses. They estimate the time between death and the body's discovery by charting the life stages of the blowfly.
  10. Whale-feces researcher -- They scoop up whale dung, then dig through it for clues about the whale. They use it to test for pregnancy, measure hormones and biotoxins and even examine genetics.