This feels so true...(click to see full size)


and that makes weather guys do this

I'm serious. I keep looking at the bottom of my shoes.... I check... and check. I can't see it anywhere.... but I can smell it. What goes on in this place after I leave?

I love weeks where we get a 3 day weekend... for some reason they feel like 19 day weeks.... s-l-o-w! C'mon weekend!

SHE'S GOT TALENT!
So I read the following story on the air today... Adam sent me a pic... he (apparently) had fun with her.... where was I on this night!

NBC's "America's Got Talent" has decided that not everyone has got "talent" Case in point. Susan Sykes (also known as Busty Heart) was rejected because the judges didn't think her ability to crush beer cans with her cans was something someone wanted to see.... (click the pic for full size)

So this morning I had to go get a bottle of wine for a friends birthday. I had to do it on my way into work. I got there about 5 minutes before it opened. Let me say this... the people you meet waiting in line to get into a liquor store.... are quite interesting.  I can't remember the last time I stood waiting for a liquor store to open.... actually... come to think of it.... I've never actually stood in line.... BUT... had I know... I would have done it much sooner... very interesting little group of people.

MORE BUZZFEST tickets this afternoon! Stay tuned!

THIS MADE ME LAUGH...

  Well hello there Tuesday. Nothing quite like waking up to a rainy day...oh well. So I can't decide if I am un-American, or what. I think (in total) I've watched about 2 minutes of the Olympics. I watched a little bit of Women's Beach Volleyball, and a little of the Women's Softball.... But only because the girls looked hot. Last night I flipped through the channels and came across a sport I didn't even know what it was. Handball. Maybe I've watched too many prison movies, but I thought handball was where you hit a ball with your hand against a wall... sort of like racquetball, but with your hand. I didn't even know what I watched up until a few minutes ago when I Googled the thing. To me (and I know this is bad) the Olympics is almost like the Miss America Pageant.... Unnecessary. I mean I get the whole idea of it and all that... but is it just me here? Ahhh, who knows.... Go America! America f%*k Yeah!

ON TODAYS SHOW
We’ll compile a list of Bluetooth rules to live by, I’ll have another 100 gallons of gas to give away at 4:20 and we’ll get you into the Projekt Revolution tour this Sunday.

SNOOZE FER U, TUESDAY EDITION
Are You My Mother?
A lost humpback whale calf has bonded with a yacht off the coast of Australia -- a yacht it seems to think is its mother. The 1 to 2-month-old calf was first sighted Sunday in waters off north Sydney, and on Monday tried to suckle from the yacht, which it would not leave. Rescuers towed the yacht out to sea, and the calf finally detached from the boat but still swam nearby. The rescuers hope the calf will continue out to sea and search for its mother or another pod of whales. (ABC News)

Sweet Home England?
While Birmingham, Alabama may be one of the premier cities of the deep south, the origin of its name of course comes from England -- Birmingham, England. While we know the difference, apparently our British friends do not. City council members in Birmingham, England were mortified when they discovered they mistakenly used a picture of the Birmingham, Alabama skyline on thousands of official pamphlets promoting recycling. Given that it would kind of be counterproductive to the theme of "going green" to just trash the pamphlets, the council offered a statement which said, "We accept that the wrong photo was used but the text and detail contained in the leaflet is wholly correct which is the most important message as we strive to further improve our green credentials." (Reuters)

Really Dumb Criminal
24-year-old John Wilkinson of Big Spring, Texas has earned his spot in the dumbest criminals of all time record books. He entered a drug store in Stanton, Texas, carrying what appeared to be a gun wrapped in a dark cloth. He then yelled for customers to get down and demanded Zanax and hydrocodine from the pharmacist. After taking the drugs he ran out the front door to jump in the car he had left running in front of the store. Problem was, he had locked the car with the keys safely inside so had no alternative but to flee on foot. This made it rather easy for police to catch up with him. During the pursuit police shot Wilkinson in the top of the shoulder when they thought they were in danger because of what appeared to be the gun in Wilkinson's hand. When they unwrapped the weapon they found it was indeed a gun -- a caulk gun! The shoulder injury was very mild and didn't even require stitches. Our caulk gun-toting friend is now in prison. (West Texas News)

Lawn Baby
In Fullerton, California, 36-year-old Jessica Higgins had just returned home from a trip to the mall when the baby she was carrying started coming -- and coming fast. The only other passenger in the car was her 2-year-old son. She quickly called 911 and then lay down on her front lawn. But by the time paramedics got there, her new daughter, Mary Claire, was already out. Police officer Manny Ramos said, "I couldn't believe how calm Mrs. Higgins was. She was just standing in the driveway rocking the newborn, who was still attached to the placenta." Jessica's husband Jeff arrived in time to cut the umbilical cord beneath the front-yard ficus tree. The baby came six weeks early and weighed in at 5 pounds, 11 ounces and stretched 18 inches. She will remain in neonatal intensive care for a few days, but is doing fine. Oh -- and as for the 2-year-old boy in the car -- he slept through the whole thing. (OC Register)

Time To Get With the Times!
60-year-old Hubert Hilling has been living in a remote country cottage in Wales -- a cottage that you might say needed a few upgrades. The bachelor finally scraped up enough money to have electricity installed in his home for the first time in his life. Hubert said, "It's fantastic. I keep switching the lights on and off! They all come on at once instead of having to be lit with a match." He decided to take the electrical plunge after one of his gas lights exploded and almost started a fire. He says he has no plans to buy a fridge or a TV, but has already treated himself to a toaster, a food-mixer and an electric iron. As for the iron, Hubert told reporters, "Before, I used a black-leaded one which I heated on the stove. I had to be careful to avoid black marks. Now I can iron my trousers in less than half-an-hour." But the cottage isn't quite a residential paradise yet. He still doesn't have running water so-- like his parents and grandparents before him-- he makes a daily five-minute walk to a well to fill two buckets. (Ananova)

You Are Woman, Let Us Hear You Roar!
France has denied an otherwise-acceptable petition for citizenship by a French-Moroccan woman on the grounds that her "total submission" to her husband makes her "insufficiently assimilated" into the country's modern policy of gender equality. The 32-year-old Muslim woman veils her entire body in public except for a narrow slit for the eyes and rejects the idea of voting, in that such matters should be left entirely to the discretion of her husband and male relatives. (International Herald Tribune)

How To Make Really Good Sushi
Like Sushi? Want to know how to make it really good? Well the president of Japan's Osakana Planning Co. recently told attendees of the Japanese Seafood Show in his country that his tuna makes superior sushi because his company administers acupuncture to each fish prior to its death. He claims this reduces stress in the fish and therefore makes them tastier. (The Times)

Different Times, Different Offenses
This is too funny. An oil paining called "Newport Nudes" has been in storage for 60-years in a Welsh museum having never seen the light of day. That's because at the time of its creation, it was considered too brazen and lewd for public display because the model is naked. However, when the painting was finally unveiled and reintroduced at a public gallery this month, it drew new criticism -- not because of the nudity -- because the naked model is holding a cigarette. (Ananova)

MEN AND WOMEN

No wonder men and women can't communicate. They speak different languages:

·         Wants and needs (wontz and nedz) n. Female: The delicate balance of emotional, physical and psychological longing one seeks to have fulfilled in a relationship. Male: Food, sex and beer.

·         Thingy (thing-ee) n. Female: Any part under a car's hood. Male: The strapfastener on a woman's bra.

·         Glass ceiling (glas see-ling) n. Female: The invisible barrier that stops women from rising to the upper levels in business. Male: What would really be great at work since that hot babe took over the office one flight up.

·         Vulnerable (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj. Female: Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another. Male: Playing ball without a cup.

·         Communication (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n. Female: The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner. Male: Scratching out a note before suddenly taking off for a weekend with the guys.

·         Commitment (ko-mit-ment) n. Female: A desire to get married and raise a family. Male: Not trying to pick up other women while out with one's girlfriend.

·         Entertainment (en-ter-tayn-ment) n. Female: A good movie, concert, play or book. Male: Anything with one ball, two folds, or three stooges.

·         Flatulence (flach-u-lens) n. Female: An embarrassing by product of digestion. Male: An endless source of entertainment, self-expression and male bonding.

·         Making love (may-king luv) n. Female: The greatest expression of intimacy a couple can achieve. Male: What men have to call "boinking" to get women to boink.

·         Remote control (ri-moht kon-trohl) n. Female: A device for changing from one TV channel to another. Male: A device for scanning through all 75 channels every 2 1/2 minutes.

·         Taste (tayst) v. Female: Something you do frequently to whatever you're cooking, to make sure it's good. Male: Something you must do to anything you think has gone bad, prior to tossing it out.

DREAM ANALYSIS

Have you ever dreamed you were falling? If so, you're in good company. Falling, and being on the verge of falling, are two of the most prevalent dreams, say experts. Others are: Being chased or pursued, having sex, arriving late and anything to do with school. Researchers report that dreams are a treasure trove of information about our inner thoughts and the people in our lives. Psychologists use dreams to help their clients resolve problems by "sleeping on it." The following are some of the most common themes of dreams and what they mean:

·         Angels -- Important messages from the subconscious that should be given serious attention.

·         Bathing or Baptism -- The need to purify or cleanse or a spiritual awakening and rebirth.

·         Car -- If you're driving, you're in control. If you're in the passenger or back seat, you are being controlled.

·         Chase -- Being chased implies helplessness. Doing the chasing implies pursuit of a difficult goal.

·         Digging -- Uncovering something hidden or ignored, either physical or spiritual.

·         Falling -- Failure to achieve a goal.

·         Heaven -- A high state of consciousness and harmony.

·         Hell -- Fear of punishment for wrongdoing.

·         Jail -- The need to break free.

·         Keys -- The ability to unlock a secret or solve a problem.

·         Sex -- Indicates a desire for romance.

·         Late -- Dreams of being late reveal anxiety and pressure.

·         Map -- The need for direction or guidance.

·         Operation -- Drastic changes are needed or things should be patched up.

·         Red Light -- Warnings.

·         Revolving Doors -- Moving in circles, going nowhere.

·         School -- A place to be tested, to learn or to recount the past.

·         Storms -- Violent emotions are need to be released.

·         Water -- Being overwhelmed by something, often shown as drowning.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

*** The following story is true... and no names were changed to protect the guilty. ***

So Saturday night I venture out to the Toyota Center for Nine Inch Nails. I've got to say, the light show was better than Radiohead (and I didn't think that was possible). Trent sounded great, the band sounded great. So I am standing on the floor minding my own business.... when, I hear someone say my name and I turn to meet a guy and his friend that listen to the station. We're talking back and forth and all is well. Then I go back and continue watching the show..... only one problem. Something I have placed into my mouth that day has given me gas... and I am not talking run of the mill stuff... I am talking Weapons Grade gas. Now part of the fun of being in a large crowd at a concert is you can let'em rip. No one will know it's you so why not? So I do. Then I hear my new friend (while the music is playing) yell to his friend. "Oh Man!" , his friend replies "What?"... then he says "Somebody farted". I am standing there crying I am laughing so hard, but I dare not turn around.... even sitting here typing it I am laughing. This begs the question "What are you.... ten?" Yup... these things make me laugh. So to my new friend... if you read this.... that was me.... and even though I am sorry... it was still funny.

... by the way. Can someone please explain to me why I always seem to wind up behing this guy?

Maybe it's revenge for the farts? Who knows? Anyway...I took a bunch of pics in case you couldn't make it. Enjoy!

yourbuzz.thebuzz.com/donjantzen

yourbuzz.thebuzz.com/donjantzen

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yourbuzz.thebuzz.com/donjantzen

yourbuzz.thebuzz.com/donjantzen

yourbuzz.thebuzz.com/donjantzen